Dichotomous Mediocrity

I think that about sums up the overall result of my living of life when I average it all out.

To say I am bi-polar is not correct, but my actions are. I can never find a middle ground in my decisions, fight mediocrity tooth and nail, but am completely content to be doing nothing, i.e., being mediocre when I cannot be doing what I truly want to be doing.

When I began to find myself in college, I exhibited this “bi-polar” perfectly by achieving 2 As, a D+ and 2 Fs in one semester alone. I fought against the notion I needed to memorize upteen million Calculus formulas & an equal amount of formulas in physics, to which I received my 2 Fs. At the same time I excelled in my 400 level engineering classes on hydrology and of all things dam building & feasibility studies. I had a battle within myself between principles & concepts and practicality & a hands-on-approach.

I find this to be common in my life. If something interests me, then I am all over it. I paid off my college loans of $30k in a little over 3 years then shortly after 9-11 paid off a vehicle loan in under a year based on the my principle of not being locked in to any responsibilities. Both of which are unheard of in today’s society. Yet now, I find myself completely content and at ease with zero remorse for defaulting on a loan for a vehicle I purchased for my business, intending to pay down the principle of $35k in max 2 years, but finding out I was locked into a 5 year payment plan. I’ll lose about $10k on the deal now that they repossessed it and it goes to auction for far less than it is worth and it destroys my credit, but hell I don’t give a crap. It means nothing to me.

Just as it means nothing to me that I built up a very successful business, operating completely “cash on hand” (minus that truck) then ran it into the ground and another $8k in debt on a credit card, when I stopped giving a shit about it and was pissed at the lousy deal I was dealt on the loan and some meaningless regulatory agency exerting their useless mandates on me.

The weird irony in this all, outside the obvious of credit rating either being 1000 or 400 if it were calculated daily, is that my principled mind would never allow me a day of collecting unemployment to which I have paid into. I cannot allow myself to get something for not doing anything, yet I know people, lots of people who are completely content to get laid off seasonally so that they can collect unemployment. I could never do it and live with myself, yet at the same time, I have zero remorse for defaulting on a loan or credit card.

Is this my battle against injustice in this country were big corporations receive billions in subsidies, read: welfare, while their stupid minions fight social welfare & entitlements to the death? It must be and it must be where my remorseless actions of screwing over a credit card company comes in while at the same time being unwilling to accept money that I have paid into through governmental taxes. Fuck the Big Money companies and banks! They want to screw over me and my economic class with pathetic interest rates on money I have in their possession, while they rape us with 20% interest rates that we borrow from them, then they can take their losses, which of course they will easily write-off and more likely then not get payment from the government in more corporate welfare from my tax dollars.

Why should I be held to a higher standard of fiscal responsibility than a bank or corporation? Bear Stearns comes to mind here. Government for the Corporation, by the Corporation, paid for by the People.

Anywho that’s my rant of the day….